The Unobserved, Atomic Self

Oh how exciting it is that this is my very first post and no one knows me here-no one “follows” me here. Once this piece of myself is released into the abyss of creation and wandering eyes land upon me, I will no longer be limitless. Like an unobserved atom, I am anything, everything and nothing at all-right now, in this very moment.

As you set your gaze upon me, all the narratives, beliefs and preconditionings that make up your architecture will bend me from concept into form. It will force me to choose a shape that you can understand. Well…at least that’s what I used to think.

I realize now that to be seen through your gaze is to be an observer to the multitude of parallel realities that I exist in. I once before believed that I had to force my shape into these structures to make you comfortable, and therefore make myself safe. And it did make me feel safe-or, in another word, trapped.

Safety is the protection we build against the edge of our limitlessness-and that is okay. To jump into the unknown before you hear it’s call can be dangerous to the unexplored self. So we are protected in this cocoon for as long as we need, until our evolution stretches against the walls and demands release.

To be released from my safety nest has required a complete shedding of all the protective layers of my old armor. I’ve had to learn how to walk beside the ghosts of my previous selves-the ones that still reflect back in the eyes of my peers. To be able to maintain my limitlessness regardless of the shapes of my old architecture that others still desperately cling to.

There is no safety in this chosen form of existence. To exist in your limitless form is to remind others of the edge they sit on. This friction is contagious. It lights fires beneath the cocoons they lay asleep in. Some, like moths to a flame, will crawl out curiously-something deep within them stirred by the siren call of the creation void. Others will do everything they can to keep this fire at bay, to remain in the perceived safety of their fragile homes.

I spent 3 years intentionally dismantling my meticulously layered mask-not because I wanted to, but because something deep within me demanded it. I was granted the safety of solitude, the blessings of loneliness, so that I could discover the core of who I am.

To be human is to concentrate the vastness of all that we are into a vessel-a form. In my gift of time, I’ve created a new shapeshifting structure-built of individually stable cells. Within this amorphous body, I am able to explore all that I am, no longer tethered to linear threads. No matter the shape I am observed in, my limitlessness remains untouched.

And as I continue to shift, each moment becomes new and each death of my old self brings me back to source-to creation itself, an atom unobserved.